Stay in Your Kids Lives, No Matter What

I can't imagine how hard it must be to live life after divorce as a dad. If you don't have 50/50 custody, you may only see your kids every other weekend, some weeknights, and for a couple of weeks during the summer ... if that.

As a mom, I sure do enjoy the times when my kid is with her dad, or like right now, when she's vacationing with her grandparents. I've passed the point where I grieve her absence because we spend so much quality time together.

But if the shoe was on the other foot, and I was only going to see her 5-10% of the time, my heart would literally break into a million pieces.

If you see your kids much, much less than you'd like, there are a few things you should know, and a couple I hope you'll do:

  • Know that if your absence affects you, if affects your kids.
  • Know that the mom, even if she doesn't like you very much these days, knows your kids love you and wants you to love them back.
  • Know that you own your relationship with your kids and you, and only you, 
  • Your kids need their dad!
So ...
  • Call them. Email them. Send them cards. Go to their school events. Show up and keep showing up.
  • When you have time with your kids, put down your smartphone, close that laptop, put away your work, and make the most of each moment. You can always work longer and harder when they aren't with you.
  • Remember, it's not about the money, it's about the time. I always ask my daughter, "If we could do anything together, what would it be?" Most of the time, she wants to pop popcorn and snuggle up while we watch a movie. Cost: $5. Value: Priceless.
I don't remember a lot of things from when I was a kid about our day-to-day life, but I remember special events and times when my parents made me a priority. We went to King's Island, Cosi, and to Williamsburg, and I still remember those trips like they were yesterday. Your kids will remember the special times you have together, too, for the rest of their lives.

You can only do what you can do, but you can do that ... Do it for yourself and your kids. They'll be glad you made the effort and so will you!


  1. My fiance and his ex-wife have been trying to get their babies back from the maternal grandmother over the last four years. It saddens me to see to kids who want nothing more than to be with their parents, but aren't allowed to. Please click the link to read more. Any help is wonderful, even if all you can do is spread the word...thanks!

  2. I completely agree with you 100%. Despite the miles of separation, there should not be any reason for someone not to remain active and in the loop of their children's lives. Technology has even made it easier for this to take place.