New book: If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules: 8 Rules for Thriving Before, During and After Divorce

Buy the book in paperback or ebook.

Facing a divorce, and the life that comes after it, isn't easy. If you are struggling to figure out how to get through your divorce emotionally, physically, practically, or mentally, or you have been divorced for some time yet still find yourself bitter, sad, angry or resentful, If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules provides the road map to turn your divorce into your personal breakthrough and design the new life of your choosing. 

Honorée Corder, author of The Successful Single Mom book series and The Successful Single Dad, has once again used her experience and deep understanding of the turmoil of divorce to help those going through their own divorce walk through the process, step-by-step, with minimal stress while maintaining their sanity and integrity.

What people are saying:

"I love this book! It is such an easy read and a great reminder for people who are going through a divorce, or who have gone through a divorce, to try to continue to look on the positive side of things. Even if they were not the person who initiated the journey, this book reminds them they will be okay!!! This feeling may not be immediate, and feeling the lows and struggles, and anger is natural in any occasion. Remember, even though you will get caught up in the 'divorce weeds' on occasion, don't allow yourself to get stuck in them -- use your resources (counselors, friends, family) to get out and back on your feet. Two years may seem like a very long time in the beginning; however, it flies by. Thanks for being such a great role model!" ~Jill Ozias, Single mom, Financial Advisor

“Honorée Corder again uses her experience, life stories and deep understanding of divorce turmoil to create a great tool for those involved in a divorce themselves.” ~Katie Davis, Online Editor for DadsDivorce.com

“A comprehensive approach to the practicalities and emotions of divorce.  A must have guide to assist those contemplating, in the process of or recovering from a divorce.  Ms. Corder tackles difficult subjects with a touch of humor but solid information from a professional very personal perspective.” ~ Sandy Wise

Buy the book in paperback or ebook.

This Single Dad is Going to Work Far Away from His Kids: How He's Coping

{VIA}

Away from the kids. So ... you're going along with your recently single life, and your regularly-scheduled time with the kiddos is going great. It's special and protected ... you're a great dad, and you and the kids know it! When suddenly, a dreaded call. You are to go to some far-off place for work. 

Now, you COULD turn it down.... but that's not really a good idea and it's been made clear that it's not an option. Accepting the work means you're going to be gone, full-time, for several months - no chance of return until it's complete. You discuss it with their other parent but you know you must go... it adds tension to a tense relationship... and the very thought of being away, missing events, bedtime cuddles, school events, and just the regular hugs & kisses that keep you going each week, simply makes you cry.

Nonetheless... you're going. Here's how to make the best of a challenging situation:

Step 1.. Prepare. Children are going to struggle with this no matter what - In our case, they'd only recently been through the divorce and this isn't going to make them feel better about things. So doing a decent job of reassuring them, setting realistic expectations, setting up reliable communications, and above all.. not making things worse.. is mission critical!

I talked with their other parent and spoke with their teachers, coaches and other members of their support system so they'd be aware to help them and watch for adverse changes. It was equally important to make sure their mom was prepared too.. this was about to become a huge burden on her that cannot be understated. She was soon not going to have her Thursday's and 1st, 3rd, & 5th weekends without the kids. Would it be easy to default an unhealthy view of "well, it'll show her" .. sure! SUPER bad idea and don't even go there!! All of the coping mechanisms that the kids need to be armed with should be considered for the other parent too.

Step 2.. The Talk. The weekend I told the kids was the most difficult of my life since the announcement to them of the divorce itself. Tears. Fears. Questions.. lots, some I had rehearsed for and some that I hadn't thought of. Everything presented as straightforwardly as possible.. most importantly, the expectation for return. For me, this was the most difficult point though because it was not entirely clear if I would be gone for 3 months or 6, maybe even longer. So we talked about the plan for return but that like all plans, things can interfere and cause changes - a mantra that has been repeated by everyone surrounding them. Hope for the best but be prepared for delay.

Step 3.. The Tools. I presented each of them (3) with a notebook where they are encouraged.. again, by everyone that surrounds them.. to express their feelings and either share them freely or they can put them down in the journal for now and they share them when they're ready. I made sure they had plenty of pictures and mementos of our times together to keep with them. I also gave each of them a little figurine (we're Star Wars fans) that will be reunited when we're all back together. They were also well instructed in how to reach me by phone, video conference, instant messaging, email, and regular mail.. basically if they wanted to reach me at any time, they could. We also make sure to talk every day - we use video conference - and we have as much or as little time as they each feel like that evening.

Step 4.. Execution. As with any plan, success lies in executing but then adapting, improvising, and overcoming obstacles when necessary. As with many divorces, there are plenty of voices that either by accident or by purpose are trying to negatively impact the situation. It's important that my and my children's positive energy overcome these influences. Staying to the plan, remaining positive and reinforcing our connection is absolutely critical. We share stories of our day, pictures, I help them with homework, listen to them rehearse for choir or see the progress of their projects, and I share with them just as we would if we were physically together. We say prayers, say I love you, I miss you and I'll see you soon frequently, and occasionally cry.

It's by far the most painful experience of my life.. even more so than the divorce and ramifications itself because we were in a good groove and recovery that has been disrupted. One thing I left out of preparation that I quickly discovered I needed.. someone for me to cope & share with.. a voice that remains positive for me and lift me up when it hurts the most. I'd be in a truly dark place with them and I'm grateful for them.. wish I'd started this journey with them already on board but better late than never!

Things will return to normal when I do, but until then: stay positive, adapt, improvise, and overcome, and be the absolute unbreakable and unshakable strength that the children need.. and communicate every moment possible, even though each and every goodbye hurts. 



YOU MAY ALSO WANT TO READ:

This Single Dad is Starting Over, and You Can, too!

This is a guest-blog from a single dad who is a dear friend of mine. I hope you enjoy his words, and they inspire and empower you.

I've asked myself many times since the divorce, "What does it mean to start over?" 

I don't know the full answer, but I have come to understand some of what that entails.

The first part is letting go. I had heard this so often that it seemed cliche, and I resisted fully accepting what it meant for me. 

As with many aspects of my life, I had to experience this the hard way. I was forced to let go of every part of my past: financially, materially, emotionally, past relationships and even of friends and family. 

So much of who I thought I was suppose to be was stripped away by events and circumstances to the point where I literally felt emptied. But it wasn't until I reached this emptiness that I was ready to move forward; to let my life begin to fill again.

The next part is being open and accepting to how ever you are being filled. New opportunities for friendships, career or business, ways of thinking and romance start to flow with a willingness to be open. For a long time, I was trying to fit my old ways into a new world and reality, thus extending my pain. Worse yet, I found myself afraid of making mistakes, which is the third part.

You're not starting over; you're starting from here and you're moving forward. This means you accept the mistakes you have made, you try not to repeat them, and you allow yourself to make all new ones no matter how colossal! 

Doing this, I've been able to experiment but remain true to my nature. The results are mixed ... but that's what experimenting is all about! Most importantly for me is that I'm interested in living life and I'm looking forward to it.

So go ahead, let go and dare yourself to live! Embrace your new world and how you are filled; you just have to start.

How about you? Have you officially gotten excited about starting over?

A Dream Talk with Your Ex

What if you could have a talk with your ex(es) that was free of agenda, baggage, posturing, fear or positioning? Imagine what that talk would be like? What would you want to talk about? What questions would they answer for or about you?

What if it were a talk of absolute truth ... would you be prepared to hear it? And if it were perfectly accurate, could you make the changes within yourself that such a talk might reveal?

Since we all know that talk is unlikely to happen, what's a good alternative? How about having the conversation with yourself first and then work with a coach or counselor? The introspective talk is a good start, but having someone that is trained in helping you through the process can make the difference between "real healing" and "repeating." Think of it this way... would you rebuild your home with your own two hands after a fire or would you have a contractor do it; especially if the fire was at least partly your fault?

The point here is: we're all going to make mistakes and decisions don't always work out. But making the changes to avoid repeating them gets us another step closer to being the person we are meant to be.

A big thanks for my anonymous single dad guest blogger!

Stay in Your Kids Lives, No Matter What

I can't imagine how hard it must be to live life after divorce as a dad. If you don't have 50/50 custody, you may only see your kids every other weekend, some weeknights, and for a couple of weeks during the summer ... if that.

As a mom, I sure do enjoy the times when my kid is with her dad, or like right now, when she's vacationing with her grandparents. I've passed the point where I grieve her absence because we spend so much quality time together.

But if the shoe was on the other foot, and I was only going to see her 5-10% of the time, my heart would literally break into a million pieces.

If you see your kids much, much less than you'd like, there are a few things you should know, and a couple I hope you'll do:

• Know that if your absence affects you, if affects your kids.
• Know that the mom, even if she doesn't like you very much these days, knows your kids love you and wants you to love them back.
• Know that you own your relationship with your kids and you, and only you, 
• Your kids need their dad!

So ...

• Call them. Email them. Send them cards. Go to their school events. Show up and keep showing up.
• When you have time with your kids, put down your smartphone, close that laptop, put away your work, and make the most of each moment. You can always work longer and harder when they aren't with you.
• Remember, it's not about the money, it's about the time. I always ask my daughter, "If we could do anything together, what would it be?" Most of the time, she wants to pop popcorn and snuggle up while we watch a movie. Cost: $5. Value: Priceless.

I don't remember a lot of things from when I was a kid about our day-to-day life, but I remember special events and times when my parents made me a priority. We went to King's Island, Cosi, and to Williamsburg, and I still remember those trips like they were yesterday. Your kids will remember the special times you have together, too, for the rest of their lives.

You can only do what you can do, but you can do that ... Do it for yourself and your kids. They'll be glad you made the effort and so will you!

3 Ways to Know You're Ready to Date After Divorce

I was encouraged to immediately start dating after my separation. After all, if you’ve tolerated a bad relationship that finally ends, why wouldn’t it make sense to immediately start looking for something great with someone fantastic? A-hem. Seriously, what could possibly go wrong?

My friends rallied around me, told me “I still had it” and began introducing me to eligible bachelors, whether they were a potential fit or not. I dated a few nice people, but for sure my heart was not in it. I had yet to get my bearings, had not even begun to heal, and was certainly more than a little shell-shocked. At the time, even though I didn’t know it, a finalized divorce was still more than a year out. 

My therapist mentioned I needed two years of self-reflection and healing time between significant relationships, and was kind enough to inform me that the clock actually doesn’t start ticking until I had a Divorce Decree in hand. As it turns out, the experts seem to agree.

You might be hearing from friends and well-meaning folks, “You need to get out there.” But what you’re probably feeling is either, “I don’t think I’m ready,” or “I don’t even know where or how to start.” Since I’ve lived through it, I’m a big believer in the two-year rule. Give yourself some time to get used to your new life, discover things about yourself didn’t know, and settle into life as you now know it. 

Then, when you’re past the point of licking some serious post-divorce wounds and you’ve found some inner peace, you might be ready to get out there. 

Here are 3 ways to know for sure it's time to start dating:

1. You’ve thought about what you want, what you don’t want, and identified the deal-breakers. You’ll probably want to attract a new relationship with someone who has at least a few characteristics that are the opposite of your ex. You may want to find someone with some of the same qualities, I mean, he wasn’t all bad, was he? In addition, you want to identify some deal-breakers. I had a few: all activities had to be completely legal, and he had to be completely single and available. Make a list, and be sure to make the process fun.

2. You’re neutral about your ex. You may still have some good feelings of love and fondness, but you’re not in love. On the flip side, you’ve let go of any anger and homicidal feelings. You can think of your ex with no spike in emotions, no pit in your stomach, and maybe even with some thoughts of well wishes.

3. You are actually at least a little excited at the prospect of meeting new people. This is a whole separate post, but if you can think of dating as a big fun adventure where you get to meet fun and exciting new people, you’re good to go. So go!

Unfortunately there’s a necessary time for healing and transition between the end of your marriage and the beginning of something significant that is also healthy and has long-term potential. The good news is, when you do the work you need to do to make it successfully through that transition time, you’re gonna love what’s – and who – is on the other side! 

What Your Ex Isn't Telling You About Your Teenage Daughter

There's a special place in Heaven for parents of teenage ... daughters. I wouldn't be a teenage girl again for any amount of money. Any. It would be even more expensive to make me a single-dad-divorced-parent of a teenage daughter. Specifically of one who is hormonal.

With all of the emotional ups and downs, one minute I observe my daughter feeling terrific, the next moody and a little crazy pants. Add to that a divorced-family situation, and all bets are off.

I spoke with a single dad recently who told me his ex refused to speak with him about his daughter's period. No information about when to expect it, what to have on hand to deal with it, and how to help her deal with the {literal} pain. Yikes.

If the communication between you and your ex is sad at best, here are a few things she's probably not telling you about your daughter and her period, that you definitely need to know:

1. She will try to play both parents against each other, be on the lookout and don't let this happen. The best antidote for arguments started by what your kid is saying is to have open communication between the parents. Keep your side of the street clean {no bad-mouthing your ex}, assume mom is doing the same, and ignore any information to the contrary. This is regardless of her hormonal status, by the way.
2. You need period supplies. At between 12-14, your daughter will start her period. This will make her cranky and moody. Remember this, no matter what: her crankiness and emotional-ness is not about you. Don't take it personally and for God's sake, don't engage in the crazy.
3. If she comes with supplies, go buy duplicates. If she doesn't, take your daughter to Walgreens and ask her to get what she's been using. If she doesn't know, visit Drugstore.com and get a box of pads, tampons, and some Teen Formula Pamprin or Midol.
4. Her period is not an excuse to be disrespectful or rude. Don't take any shit, just remember to see the situation for what it is and what it isn't.
5. Put a Period Tracker on your smartphone. You can track when she's going to have her period, which will serve as an early-warning system for you. {Get one if you have a girlfriend, too.} She will be sweet as pie during one visit, and the next she could be feeling emotional and vulnerable, and you may for the first time be able to understand what that's all about.
6. Know that women cycle together, so chances are your ex is going to be on her broomstick at about the same time as your daughter. Just check into the nearest Four Seasons or head out of town on a business trip. You're welcome. 
7. Invest in some chocolate for your daughter, and some fine wine for you. All will be well.

You've got this, dad. Hang in there, and post any questions in the comments.

Single Mom and Single Dad Transformation Program Facilitator Certification

The Single Mom Transformation Program (SMTP) was developed for single moms, and was based upon my STMA (Short-Term Massive Active) executive coaching program, so Honorée Corder could write The Successful Single Mom book. She worked with seven single moms over the course of 100-days to perfect the Program and write the book. 

Then, in August 2012, due to high demand, she published The Successful Single Dad and created the Single Dad Transformation Program, too.

From September 10th through December 17th, Honorée will be conducting the Single Mom & Single Dad Transformation Program Facilitator Training. The training is virtual and takes place in 8 sessions over 100 days.

The Single Mom and Single Dad Transformation Program Facilitator Certification is for professionals who want to facilitate Honorée Corder's work with single moms and single dads. We are a community of compassionate and fiercely positive folks who believe being a single parent by choice or by chance is the beginning, and anyone has within them the power to transform their lives into anything and everything their hearts desire.

We're looking for heart-centered people with amazingly positive attitudes, a heart for single moms and dads, and a desire to help others. If you have been through a divorce, or see a lot of divorce in your life and business, and want to help single parents find hope and create a new life, one that they truly love, this certification just might be for you. Our facilitators and facilitator-candidates so far are financial advisors, network marketers, realtors, and the founder of a non-profit.

Others who might be a perfect fit are: psychologists, counselors, therapists, divorce attorneys, clergy and divorce coaches. 

If you are interested in becoming a facilitator, contact Honorée Enterprises COO Joan Richardson at 214-422-3965 or email Joan {at} CoachHonoree {dot} com to receive an application. September Certification will be limited to 10 facilitator-candidates.

Due to an overwhelming response, we will be doing our next Single Mom & Single Dad Transformation Program Certification starting January 14th, 2014. 

This Single Dad Survived His First Love, and Heartbreak, After Divorce. You Can, Too!

Recently, I experienced my first official breakup since the divorce: I got dumped. 

I saw it coming ... and one of us would have pulled the trigger eventually. She was the first woman I've dated that I've really liked to this point. 

Aside from the divorce, it's been a long time since I've had this happen and I've come to realize how different romantic relationships are at this stage in my life. 

First, for me, is the importance of friendship. She and I are trying to keep our friendship alive, and I am more sad at the prospect that it may not work out than at the loss of a romantic partner. 

It's interesting how different my relationship goals are now compared to when I was a kid. Through the divorce, I kept hearing stories of people cutting loose and experiencing a period of wild sexual freedom. I'm not sure what it says about me but that's not something I want. While I'm not seeking to get married anytime soon, I do want meaningful relationships; friendship first, then intimacy. 

The next realization is that I definitely know what I want. I totally get that everyone I meet at this stage has lived and shaped their lives, so there is no delusion of perfection like when I was a kid. For me though, I'm seeking to be in a relationship with a woman where the "what I do want" side of my list outweighs the "what I don't want". 

Thanks to a lot of soul searching, I know that my "do" list includes some must-haves: 

• speaks directly and is forthright, 
• does what they say they'll do, 
• is able to express needs and make decisions based on those, 
• has 1 or more children, 
• a career of any kind, and
• is available. 

You might think that last one is obvious, but it's been a bit trickier for me than I expected; in part because, until recently, I haven't actually been emotionally available myself. Similarly, some of the women I have met have not been available for a variety of reasons. 

In this recent relationship, we both believed she was initially available but as we progressed and she reflected upon herself and us, she discovered otherwise. I suppose it's a good thing that this was discovered before we went much further, and that it is enabling her to address and heal underlying issues, but still, it hurts. 

And that last point is what I think is the most positive aspect for me; that I was not only open to being hurt again, but that I have made it through. It'll happen again; I'll open myself to love and maybe I'll even get hurt. But now I know I want this again and that I can DO this again!

Happy Single Dad Day & a Giveaway

When I first wrote The Successful Single Mom someone asked if I was going to write The Successful Single Dad, and my response was, "No, I've never been a single dad." But in 2011, it became apparent that dads needed a book, too, because I heard a lot of, "I'm a single dad. I read your book and just replaced "mom" with "dad" and pretended the book was for me."

Last year in August, I published The Successful Single Dad. 

Both books are similar, but I replaced the "mom" stories with "dad" stories by interviewing some amazing single dads ... it turned out that when I started looking around, there are single dads e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e! 

More and more men are getting full or 50% custody of their children, and staying actively involved in their lives ... even turning down career opportunities or starting new businesses just so they can see their kids at every opportunity. *Applause!*

Cheers to the single dads and Happy Single Dad Day!

If you're a single dad, you haven't read the book and you'd like to, I'd be happy to send you one. The first 5 single dads to leave their answer to this question in the comments will receive a complimentary book, "What's the best thing about being a single dad?"

Embracing Happiness as a Single Parent

When you're a single parent, how often do you think of pursuing your own personal happiness? Honoree Corder, author and creator of The Successful Single Mom, recognizes the tendency of the single parent to always put their kids' happiness first and foremost, but she stresses that by prioritizing your own happiness once in a while can lead all single parents to "have extraordinary lives." She revealed to Care.com who she leaned on as a single mother to her daughter, how she's learned to re-prioritize her life, and how finding love has created a win-win situation for her family.

Single parenting can be especially tough because as a parent, you get stretched so thin. How are you making it work for yourself and for your kid(s)?

I was ruthless with my time: I worked for myself, so I worked only when my daughter was at school.

Read the entire article here at Care.com.

Displaced Attention -- Guest Blog by Scott Hanley

The other day I was sitting at breakfast in a busy outdoor cafe in the pedestrian heavy Pearl District of Portland, Oregon. It is a pet and child friendly restaurant and there were many of both scattered about. A particularly young couple and their new baby of about 6 months was sitting across the sidewalk area from us. I began to notice that each of them individually was completely focused on the baby. I generally like this behavior and I particularly like when parents are attentive to the many little things with regard to their children. As I was watching, another young couple came over with their dog to say hello. The parents looked up momentarily to return the “hello” but in the same breath regained eye contact with their baby while continuing talking to their friends. I realize having a new baby, especially when young, is a consummate experience and significant focus and attention will be directed towards the new baby, at least in the beginning.  But this might have been a bit much. It might have been way too soon to judge and I am the first one to compliment parents for whom their children are designated an unconditional priority. It did feel a little over the top, however.

Goodreads Giveaway!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Successful Single Dad

by Honoree Corder

Giveaway ends September 30, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Guest Blog: Single Parents by Scott Hanley

I was a single dad through most of my children’s life. It was a choice - not a consequence. I learned early on that there were many differences having children with two parents in partnership and two parents not in partnership. Since both my children were boys and the amicable divorce from their mother occurred at mid-young ages (7 & 9), it seemed natural that the boys should live with me. Their mother agreed and so it was. I embarked on a journey that not only bonded me permanently with each boy but provided me an extraordinary opportunity to learn how to build a relationship from the beginning. At first the thought of going it alone was a bit scary and filled with uncertainty, not all that different from when we began as a partnership 8 years previous. However, the trepidation this time was different.

I was aware that the consequences of my daily decisions and choices were going to be mine and only mine to manage. I was not going to have another ‘equal’ party in the decision process. This started out as a bug, not a feature, and ended up being a feature. The feature was not having to get ‘buy in’ on all decisions. True, this may have limited my perspective, and certainly diminished the possibilities of a better direction lacking the combined resources of two parents. But it created a more simple daily life situation and allowed me to get more accomplished and more tasks completed. It is not to say that it was the best, it was just more efficient.

Another aspect of being a single parent was the setting of rules. With only one authority, it was significantly more challenging for the boys to try and manipulate the situation to fit their interests. It kept life a bit more simpler and allowed me to maintain a consistent pattern, particularly with regard to discipline and behavior. Without a different opinion on correct behavior, which is very often a point of disagreement and contention among partners, the three of us could move through behavioral issues more clearly. In the end this was much more readily acceptable by the boys because it was simply not confusing (and the little squirts could not make it confusing!). The boys, not being able to play one off the other, was indeed an advantage.

Giveaway!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Successful Single Dad

by Honoree Corder

Giveaway ends August 30, 2012.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Hers, Mine & Ours After Divorce - Single Dad Needs Advice!

I received the following inquiry from a stressed-out single dad:

Dear Honoree,
I'm recently separated from my second wife, and we're in the process of divorce. We have a child, and we've worked out a visitation schedule that we agree on. Also, I've played the role of dad to her daughter with her first husband since he's not around all that much and doesn't take an active role in her life. My soon-to-be ex expects me to take both kids when I'm supposed to have visitation, and although I want to see my former step-child, I don't want there to be that expectation with my ex, and I don't want to hurt the child. What should I do?
Victor

Dear Victor,
My advice is to see your former step-daughter in small doses - mainly when you're picking up and dropping off your child. I don't think your ex's expectation of visitation with both kids is acceptable, and when she finds her next relationship/husband, that will cause even more confusion. You don't mention the real father, except to say he's not all that involved. How would he feel about your continued involvement with his child? You will want to check with your attorney about legal issues as well.
Honoree

Dads, what advice do you have for Victor?

The Successful Single Dad is the only book for single dads written in a positive, can-do voice, from the coaching perspective, by an executive coach who was previously a single mom. This book provides that road map for creating the life you want, starting right now, today!

Honorée Corder has dedicated her life to being a positive force for good. She writes personal and professional growth and development books, and The Successful Single Mom book series. As an executive coach and corporate trainer, she turns service providers into rainmakers, average producers into rock-stars, and dreams into reality. For more information on how she can specifically help you or your organization, click here.

The Successful Single Dad Book: Meet the Dads

When I wrote The Successful Single Mom, I had the pleasure of working with single moms for 100 days, who allowed me to coach, push, encourage and embrace them. They contributed their thoughts, ideas and best practices to the making of the book The Successful Single Mom. For this book, I interviewed successful single dads from all walks of life. Allow me to introduce you to the dads I interviewed for The Successful Single Dad:

Dan, dad to Sam, age 16, and Traci, age 13. Dan is the founder of an internet marketing company.and he also co-owns a web design company. He knew from the minute he had kids eventually he would be raising them on his own, and stayed married just long enough to get the kids to an age where they could understand what was happening. The kids’ mom has moved away and remarried, and Dan remains focused and committed to his children.

Bob, dad to John, age 12, and Thomas age 16. Bob left being a full-time big corporate attorney in order to start his own firm because he wanted the freedom and flexibility of being available to his children. Bob has 50% custody of his boys: one week on, one week off. He enjoys going on outdoor adventures with his boys.

John is dad to Kat, age 4, Cameron, age 13, and Jordan, age 17. Twice-divorced, he is a hands-on dad and enjoys taking his kids to gymnastics and volleyball and whatever else they have going on! John is an entrepreneur and co-owns a learning management company. John believes that if you manage your time right, you can be a hands-on dad and a successful businessman at the same time.

Javier is dad to three: Sophia, age 8, Mario, age 6, and Elyssa, age 4. Before his divorce, Javier worked non-stop as a consultant to small and mid-sized businesses. Having learned the importance of family time and being there for the children, and having learned too late the importance of being the person his spouse needed him to be, he is now dedicated to spending as much time as possible with his children, while still balancing his need to be a successful professional, and someday looking forward to a new opportunity to be with someone special.

Steve is dad to Kennedy, 5, Quinn 3 ½, and Colt, 18 months. Steve is a passionate, committed dad first, and senior vice president of a large wealth management firm. Before children, Steve traveled seventy-five percent of the time. He took a different job within the company so he wouldn’t miss even one evening with his kids. Steve believes that focusing on your children first, and building your career around them is the most important thing you can do. It’s critical and can absolutely be done.

Drew, dad to Michael, age 5, who has severe learning disabilities. He is a high-powered executive who wants readers to know that no matter how public your position, and no matter how high up the ladder you’ve climbed, you must surround yourself with a carefully chosen group of people who will unconditionally support you. The rewards are amazing.

Jason is dad to 1-year-old Mason. He’s been a widow since his son was just one month old. He’s also the managing director of a successful insurance company and avid tri-athlete. He’s had a hard road already, but uses his natural zest and enthusiasm for life to keep him from getting down. He feels like he’s been blessed to even be a dad, and wants other widowers to keep the faith. He believes he doesn’t have a moment of life to waste. “It’s too precious, and I’m grateful for (almost) every moment of my journey.”

The Successful Single Dad is the only book for single dads written in a positive, can-do voice, from the coaching perspective, by an executive coach who was previously a single mom. This book provides that road map for creating the life you want, starting right now, today!

Honorée Corder has dedicated her life to being a positive force for good. She writes personal and professional growth and development books, and The Successful Single Mom book series. As an executive coach and corporate trainer, she turns service providers into rainmakers, average producers into rock-stars, and dreams into reality. For more information on how she can specifically help you or your organization, click here.

Sample Sunday: Chapter 1: Oh Shit Day!

“Oh Shit” Day: The Day that Turned Your Lives Upside Down

This day could have been yesterday, or perhaps it was ten years ago. The day you became a single dad is, without question, one of the hardest days of your life. This is the day many men have hoped for, regardless whether they come from an abusive, hopeless, or simply dissatisfying situation, and yet dread at the same time. There’s a chance you will have freedom: the opportunity to turn your life around and make it the way you want it … then there’s the reality check: how is it possible to get everything done and retain your sanity? Pay the bills? Raise the children?

My daughter went from being a happy, normal two-year-old one day, to being a clingy, needy, demanding, temper-tantrum throwing Tasmanian Devil the next. She seemed to sense how unsettled I was feeling and almost instantly began reacting and acting out based upon my mental state. On top of my pending divorce, I now had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach regarding how my daughter was going to be affected – short and long-term – by this new situation and the dark clouds over head. Here’s the kicker: I didn’t want to burden anyone with my feelings and insecurities, so sadly I kept most of them to myself. I didn’t ask for help – I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what was going to happen next and I wasn’t sure how to navigate what was coming.

Did you live that day in your mind a thousand times prior to it actually happening? Before I separated from my ex-husband, I used to think a lot (daydream is probably a better word) about what it would be like to be single again, have my freedom and raise my daughter on my own.