New book: If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules: 8 Rules for Thriving Before, During and After Divorce

Buy the book in paperback or ebook.

Facing a divorce, and the life that comes after it, isn't easy. If you are struggling to figure out how to get through your divorce emotionally, physically, practically, or mentally, or you have been divorced for some time yet still find yourself bitter, sad, angry or resentful, If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules provides the road map to turn your divorce into your personal breakthrough and design the new life of your choosing. 

Honorée Corder, author of The Successful Single Mom book series and The Successful Single Dad, has once again used her experience and deep understanding of the turmoil of divorce to help those going through their own divorce walk through the process, step-by-step, with minimal stress while maintaining their sanity and integrity.

What people are saying:

"I love this book! It is such an easy read and a great reminder for people who are going through a divorce, or who have gone through a divorce, to try to continue to look on the positive side of things. Even if they were not the person who initiated the journey, this book reminds them they will be okay!!! This feeling may not be immediate, and feeling the lows and struggles, and anger is natural in any occasion. Remember, even though you will get caught up in the 'divorce weeds' on occasion, don't allow yourself to get stuck in them -- use your resources (counselors, friends, family) to get out and back on your feet. Two years may seem like a very long time in the beginning; however, it flies by. Thanks for being such a great role model!" ~Jill Ozias, Single mom, Financial Advisor

“Honorée Corder again uses her experience, life stories and deep understanding of divorce turmoil to create a great tool for those involved in a divorce themselves.” ~Katie Davis, Online Editor for DadsDivorce.com

“A comprehensive approach to the practicalities and emotions of divorce.  A must have guide to assist those contemplating, in the process of or recovering from a divorce.  Ms. Corder tackles difficult subjects with a touch of humor but solid information from a professional very personal perspective.” ~ Sandy Wise

Buy the book in paperback or ebook.

This Single Dad is Going to Work Far Away from His Kids: How He's Coping

{VIA}

Away from the kids. So ... you're going along with your recently single life, and your regularly-scheduled time with the kiddos is going great. It's special and protected ... you're a great dad, and you and the kids know it! When suddenly, a dreaded call. You are to go to some far-off place for work. 

Now, you COULD turn it down.... but that's not really a good idea and it's been made clear that it's not an option. Accepting the work means you're going to be gone, full-time, for several months - no chance of return until it's complete. You discuss it with their other parent but you know you must go... it adds tension to a tense relationship... and the very thought of being away, missing events, bedtime cuddles, school events, and just the regular hugs & kisses that keep you going each week, simply makes you cry.

Nonetheless... you're going. Here's how to make the best of a challenging situation:

Step 1.. Prepare. Children are going to struggle with this no matter what - In our case, they'd only recently been through the divorce and this isn't going to make them feel better about things. So doing a decent job of reassuring them, setting realistic expectations, setting up reliable communications, and above all.. not making things worse.. is mission critical!

I talked with their other parent and spoke with their teachers, coaches and other members of their support system so they'd be aware to help them and watch for adverse changes. It was equally important to make sure their mom was prepared too.. this was about to become a huge burden on her that cannot be understated. She was soon not going to have her Thursday's and 1st, 3rd, & 5th weekends without the kids. Would it be easy to default an unhealthy view of "well, it'll show her" .. sure! SUPER bad idea and don't even go there!! All of the coping mechanisms that the kids need to be armed with should be considered for the other parent too.

Step 2.. The Talk. The weekend I told the kids was the most difficult of my life since the announcement to them of the divorce itself. Tears. Fears. Questions.. lots, some I had rehearsed for and some that I hadn't thought of. Everything presented as straightforwardly as possible.. most importantly, the expectation for return. For me, this was the most difficult point though because it was not entirely clear if I would be gone for 3 months or 6, maybe even longer. So we talked about the plan for return but that like all plans, things can interfere and cause changes - a mantra that has been repeated by everyone surrounding them. Hope for the best but be prepared for delay.

Step 3.. The Tools. I presented each of them (3) with a notebook where they are encouraged.. again, by everyone that surrounds them.. to express their feelings and either share them freely or they can put them down in the journal for now and they share them when they're ready. I made sure they had plenty of pictures and mementos of our times together to keep with them. I also gave each of them a little figurine (we're Star Wars fans) that will be reunited when we're all back together. They were also well instructed in how to reach me by phone, video conference, instant messaging, email, and regular mail.. basically if they wanted to reach me at any time, they could. We also make sure to talk every day - we use video conference - and we have as much or as little time as they each feel like that evening.

Step 4.. Execution. As with any plan, success lies in executing but then adapting, improvising, and overcoming obstacles when necessary. As with many divorces, there are plenty of voices that either by accident or by purpose are trying to negatively impact the situation. It's important that my and my children's positive energy overcome these influences. Staying to the plan, remaining positive and reinforcing our connection is absolutely critical. We share stories of our day, pictures, I help them with homework, listen to them rehearse for choir or see the progress of their projects, and I share with them just as we would if we were physically together. We say prayers, say I love you, I miss you and I'll see you soon frequently, and occasionally cry.

It's by far the most painful experience of my life.. even more so than the divorce and ramifications itself because we were in a good groove and recovery that has been disrupted. One thing I left out of preparation that I quickly discovered I needed.. someone for me to cope & share with.. a voice that remains positive for me and lift me up when it hurts the most. I'd be in a truly dark place with them and I'm grateful for them.. wish I'd started this journey with them already on board but better late than never!

Things will return to normal when I do, but until then: stay positive, adapt, improvise, and overcome, and be the absolute unbreakable and unshakable strength that the children need.. and communicate every moment possible, even though each and every goodbye hurts. 



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This Single Dad is Starting Over, and You Can, too!

This is a guest-blog from a single dad who is a dear friend of mine. I hope you enjoy his words, and they inspire and empower you.

I've asked myself many times since the divorce, "What does it mean to start over?" 

I don't know the full answer, but I have come to understand some of what that entails.

The first part is letting go. I had heard this so often that it seemed cliche, and I resisted fully accepting what it meant for me. 

As with many aspects of my life, I had to experience this the hard way. I was forced to let go of every part of my past: financially, materially, emotionally, past relationships and even of friends and family. 

So much of who I thought I was suppose to be was stripped away by events and circumstances to the point where I literally felt emptied. But it wasn't until I reached this emptiness that I was ready to move forward; to let my life begin to fill again.

The next part is being open and accepting to how ever you are being filled. New opportunities for friendships, career or business, ways of thinking and romance start to flow with a willingness to be open. For a long time, I was trying to fit my old ways into a new world and reality, thus extending my pain. Worse yet, I found myself afraid of making mistakes, which is the third part.

You're not starting over; you're starting from here and you're moving forward. This means you accept the mistakes you have made, you try not to repeat them, and you allow yourself to make all new ones no matter how colossal! 

Doing this, I've been able to experiment but remain true to my nature. The results are mixed ... but that's what experimenting is all about! Most importantly for me is that I'm interested in living life and I'm looking forward to it.

So go ahead, let go and dare yourself to live! Embrace your new world and how you are filled; you just have to start.

How about you? Have you officially gotten excited about starting over?